Happiness: Antidote for anxiety!

Happiness: antidote for anxiety. PDF

Suffering a Loss? Exploring the Stages of Grief

The topic of grief reveals a strange paradox in our society. Everyone, without exception, will experience grief — at least a few times. Yet, precious few of us talk openly about this shared reality. Loss makes almost everyone uncomfortable and this reinforces a culture in which dealing with death remains mostly unexamined. Needless to say, we could all benefit from a greater understanding of loss and mourning. This could begin by identifying the causes and stages of grief

Common Sources of Grief

The death of a loved one would probably come first to our minds — for good reason. It can be devastating and very difficult to revere from. However, there are several other common causes of mourning. Here are a few, both concrete and more abstract:

• Losing your job

• Getting separated or divorced

• The end of a friendship

• Loss of a beloved pet

• Relocation

• Illness or injury (for yourself or someone close to you)

• Not attaining a personal dream or goal

• The end of a career (upon retirement)

• More abstractly, you may mourn losing your youth, innocence, trust, safety, identity, or the approval of those who matter to you.

We mourn these losses as a way to process profound changes. This process can have a palpable impact on both our mind and body. Bereavement is a necessary part of grief and, if it proceeds at pace, will run through five stages.

The Five Stages of Grief

This is not a linear process but rather, an outline of what we may expect to feel.

1. Denial

“This can’t be happening.” Denial is a universal coping mechanism that allows our brains to catch up with reality. We may choose to mask the pain with disbelief and then, isolation.

2. Anger

Denial starts to ebb but the pain and loss remain. This can lead to a feeling of genuine anger and/or resentment. We’re mad at the world. We may even resent the person who has died for leaving us.

3. Bargaining

Here is where the “if only” statements become the norm. We imagine we wouldn’t be in this painful situation if only we had done things differently. Inevitably, bargaining blends with guilt for as long as we believe ourselves to be at fault.

4. Depression

Technically, one form of depression can begin if we have advance warning of a loss. We grow depressed as we ponder the looming grief. More deeply, the depression sets in after the denial, anger, and “if only” have begun to run their course.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance is a wonderful gift but it’s not a promise. Some losses are so shocking and sudden that we can only hope for partial acceptance. During this stage, we’re not happy but we’ve begun to escape the clutches of depression. We’re calmer and more practical in our perceptions.

When Grief Becomes Complicated

Sometimes, you cannot move through the stages and instead feel stuck. This is called “complicated grief” and it manifests in signs and symptoms like:

• Being unable to focus on anything except the loss

• Extreme avoidance of reminders of the loss

• Feeling numb or detached

• Feeling bitter, distrusting, or angry

• Having trouble enjoying activities you once loved

Those of us experiencing complicated grief become isolated, neglect daily duties and responsibilities, and perhaps ruminate on morbid or suicidal feelings. Grief should never be a solo act. Humans are social animals and this process may be the deepest proof of that fact. We need support. We deserve help.

If you’ve suffered an intense loss, it makes sense to seek professional guidance. It can help prevent your grief from becoming complicated. If you’ve already reached that point, you can find peace, healing, and recovery in a therapy setting. Please contact me soon for a consultation.

7 Signs PTSD Is Impacting Your Day-to-Day Life

Every single person will endure some kind of traumatic experience. However, not every trauma provokes post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Every single individual reacts to traumatic events in a unique. Therefore, it is not always possible to predict who is likely to develop PTSD or why. During a traumatic event, the brain goes into survival mode. When it does not automatically back into restoration mode after such an event, PTSD may be present.

Common Examples of Trauma

Anything that involves intense loss, helplessness, terror, or abuse can be traumatic. These experiences can be one-time events or take place over a prolonged time period. Trauma can also exist secondhand — for example, upon hearing details of a traumatic event. Generally speaking, such traumas fall into some broad categories:

• Being victimized by a violent or violating crime

• Witnessing a violent crime

• False accusations, arrest, or imprisonment

• Domestic violence

• Rape

• Sexual assault and abuse

• Non-sexual physical abuse

• Psychological abuse

• Exposure to war conditions and situations (battle, terrorism, forced migration, etc.)

• Natural disasters (fire, earthquake, hurricane, etc.)

• Accidents

• Surgery, illness, injury

• Shocking betrayal

• Death or loss of someone close to you

Any of these examples (or related versions) can result in PTSD. Read on to learn more about the symptoms associated with this condition.

PTSD Symptoms

Again, these can vary widely from person to person. Some commonly reported symptoms include:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Flashbacks

• Nightmares

• Becoming easily startled/hyper-vigilant

• Anger

• Intrusive thoughts

• Loss of trust

• Avoidance of many/most social situations

• Isolation

• Fatigue

• Feeling emotionally numb

• Suicidal thoughts

7 Signs PTSD Is Impacting Your Day-to-Day Life

1. Irregular Sleep Patterns

As mentioned above, this could arise from frequent nightmares. More insidious are the less obvious obstacles to maintaining healthy sleep patterns. For example, you may wake up often throughout the night and then have difficulty getting back to sleep.

2. Subtle Avoidance of Social Interactions

It can be as simple as always choosing the self-cashier line at the supermarket. PTSD can seriously impact your desire and ability to engage in the small, daily exchanges that make up your life.

3. Canceling Plans

Your need to heal may result in you making plans or accepting invitations. It sounds pleasant and healthy to have something to look forward to. Unfortunately, PTSD will often provoke you to cancel — oftentimes, at the last minute.

4. Frequent, Unexpected Crying

Maybe someone touches you while walking past you. A television commercial inexplicably strikes a chord. The causes are innumerable but the result is the same: an unexpected binge of tears.

5. Disproportionate Reactions

Your emotions feel out of sorts. You may react numbly to shocking or sad news. Just as likely, you are capable of flying off the handle with rage from something that would have previously felt minor to you.

6. Inability to Concentrate

You may really notice this sign when at work. Your focus is waning and your productivity is decreasing just as quickly. It feels disconcerting but the more you notice it, the worse it gets.

7. Dissociation

You feel “disconnected” from your own experiences. You may call it “daydreaming” or “blanking out,” but with PTSD, it is a symptom called dissociation. Dissociation can make you feel as if you are watching your life instead of living it.

Don’t Go It Alone

It should be quite clear by now that PTSD is serious and urgent. Far more than awareness or self-care is required. Individuals struggling with this condition are encouraged to avoid isolation and seek help. There is a wide range of treatment options available. One of the most successful and enduring approaches involves making a commitment to regular therapy sessions. Working with a skilled guide is a healthy and proven path toward recovery.

Betrayal: Why it Happens, How it Changes Things & Counseling Matters

When it comes to relationships, we may equate “betrayal” with infidelity. This is accurate, of course, but only the tip of the iceberg. Anytime one’s trust is broken, it is a betrayal. This could, of course, involve lying, sharing personal information, broken promises, treachery, deception, or anything that leaves you questioning your perception of reality. Betrayal has the power to make you ask: “Did I ever really know this person?” Not surprisingly, betrayal can impact your mental health in several detrimental ways.

Why Betrayal Happens

A big part of living a happy life means making attachments and learning how to trust.

Ironically, betrayal happens because you have developed trust with someone and it has been violated. This doubled-edge sword heightens the pain in such situations. But why does one person consciously betray another? The reasons often center around feelings and emotions like:

• Greed

• Lust

• Ambition

• Passion

Even someone claims they were acting for some kind of greater good, at least one of these four motivating factors was almost certainly in play. Such factors can be powerful enough to temporarily cancel out one of the most essential foundations of love: trust.

How Betrayal Changes Things

Let’s be clear: betrayal can and often results in trauma. The offshoots of this reality are numerous. Here are some common examples:

• Guilt

• Hyper-vigilance (fear of trusting again)

• Depression

• Feeling emotionally numb

• Paranoia and suspicion

• Loss of self-esteem

• Increase in self-doubt

• Shame

• Avoidance of attachments

In addition, research has shown that betrayals might trigger post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) — resulting in behavior like:

• Nightmares

• Withdrawing from others

• Reliving both positive and negative moments with the person who betrayed you

• Flashbacks to the moment of betrayal

Self-Help Steps to Manage Betrayal Trauma

Maintain a Balanced Perspective

This begins by not placing the blame on yourself. Do not seek temporary “relief” via destructive and self-destructive behaviors. Channel that energy instead into self-care and — when you feel better equipped to do so — it may be productive to look back and discover the lessons you can take from this dreadful experience.

Practice Daily Self-Care

You have a long road to recovery ahead of you. This road is far more navigable if you are taking care of your needs. Daily self-care would, of course, include emotional relief like relaxation techniques and stress management. But your physical health is under siege, too. This makes it so important to aim for:

• Healthy eating habits: Avoid binge eating, comfort foods, and “self-medicating”

• Daily activity and exercise: Movement benefits your body and mind!

• Rest when necessary: Be patient with and kind to yourself

• Regular sleep patterns: This is a foundation for recovery

A few more emotional self-help basics:

• Focus on what feels good for you. Set and attain short-term goals. Rebuild your confidence.

• Keep a daily journal to monitor your moods, triggers, and progress.

• Avoid rebound relationships. The temptation will be strong but it is very rarely a good idea to expect someone else to fill that empty space right now. The alone time can be a gift. It is a time for self-reflection, discovery, and restoration.

• Ask for help. Lean on your personal support system but also, seek professional guidance (see below).

Why Counseling Matters

The biggest challenge and the biggest step will be learning to trust again. It will feel like an impossible risk at first, that’s why it makes sense to seek help. Regular counseling is a consistent journey toward two broad goals: healing the trauma and recapturing a healthy balance in your life. Your therapist will be your guide — offering comfort, knowledge, and a compassionate, listening ear when you need it most. Please contact me soon for a consultation.

Sudden Fear? What You Need to Know About Panic Attacks

Fear can be an amazing gift. It exists to keep us safe. It exists to keep us alive. However, fear can also keep us from fully enjoying our lives. When you regularly experience fear at times when you are not in danger, it begins to rewire your brain. Left unattended, this kind of dysfunctional fear can morph into panic and/or panic attacks.

There is no shame in feeling sudden fear. It’s common and manageable. This all begins with a deeper understanding of your experience and how panic gets in your way.

What is a Panic Disorder?

It is one of several different types of anxiety disorders. As the name suggests, this condition causes panic attacks. During such attacks, you may experience any or all of the following symptoms and sensations:

• Terror without any real cause

• Dizziness

• Sweating

• Rapid heartbeat

• Feeling as if you’ve lost control

• Digestive issues

• Chest pain

• Difficulty breathing

• Cold chills

• Tingly or numb hands

• Agoraphobia (a compulsion to avoid people, places, and things you assume with cause anxiety)

Some things to know about panic disorders:

• Almost 3 percent of adults in the U.S. are affected

• Women are impacted at double the rate as men

• Almost half of those diagnosed with a panic disorder report that it impedes their daily lives

• This impairment is most commonly (30 percent) deemed moderate but it can become overwhelming enough to cause total dysfunction

Statistics aside, there is much more to know about panic attacks. To follow is a sampling.

6 Things You Need to Know About Panic Attacks

1. They Can Happen at Anytime

It is quite difficult to predict triggers and for some, this adds to the terror. Conversely, it can be viewed as a way of letting go. If triggers are not identifiable, we can find acceptance enough to appreciate the majority of our lives when we are not in the throes of a panic attack.

2. Panic Ends

Panic attacks feel interminable when they happen. But here’s the truth: they end. On average, they last no longer than 10 minutes. Take solace in this fact as you navigate your healing.

3. Movement Helps

Our bodies were built to move and this is a fine example. Studies show that moving your body during a panic attack sends a signal to your brain that you are not in danger. It also serves as a useful distraction. Speaking of which…

4. Distraction Helps

However, you define “distraction,” do it! This can draw your attention away from the physical sensations of the attack. These sensations heighten the experience thus, it only makes sense that distraction will facilitate recovery.

5. Perfectionism Does Not Help

Research shows that folks who drive themselves to do everything “perfectly” can be more prone to panic attacks. Cut yourself some slack. Part of the human condition involves a blend of success and failure.

6. Self-Care Rules

As with just about everything relates to your physical and mental health, a diligent self-care regimen is crucial. Some important elements of that regimen are:

• Daily exercise and activity

• Regular sleep patterns

• Healthy eating habits

• Stress management and relaxation techniques

Therapy for Panic Attacks

One of the scariest aspects of panic attacks is a sense of being alone. This makes it all the more important to ask for help. Committing to regular therapy sessions affords you a safe space. In sessions, your panic disorder can be discussed in a productive manner. You’ve practice coping mechanisms, identify patterns, and cultivate hope. Panic attacks happen due to many, seemingly invisible reasons. You cannot overstate what it means to have a guide by your side as you negotiate the path toward healing. Just as each panic attack will end, so too can your proclivity toward panic attacks in general.